How to Spot and Address Conflict on Remote & Virtual Teams

The remote work debate shows no sign of slowing. With enough dueling “productivity” statistics to fill the headlines for the foreseeable future, what’s more interesting is to ask: What do successful remote-first companies have in common?

They are intentional about culture.

I’ve heard – and experienced – this, again and again: in conversations with leaders, experts and clients who prioritize creating exceptional workplaces; and as a longtime employee at a remote-first company that’s just recently transitioned, via merger, to a hybrid setup.

As we settle into the new world of post-pandemic work, where some degree of remote work will be part of the professional landscape, the leaders who take the time to develop a dialogue with their teams will have the highest employee engagement and satisfaction.

Establishing dialogue is crucial, regardless of where a team is physically located. But nowadays when many are shifting from an in-person setting to the remote or hybrid world, intentionality is at an even higher premium.

Carol Bowser, an employment-attorney-turned-mediator, agrees.  

“When someone comes to me with a problem on their team and says, ‘We just aren’t gelling right now,’ I always ask them, ‘Were you ever gelling?’ And most times they say, ‘No, I guess we weren’t.’”

After a career in litigation, Carol now spends her time helping employers resolve the kinds of conflicts that might have ended in a courtroom. The stakes, she says, couldn’t be higher.

“We spend too much time and energy at work for it to be a difficult place to be. If people aren’t feeling successful at work, and they think a system, a process or, most often, a person is causing them stress or pain or frustration, that’s where the conflict comes in.”

An online environment isn’t necessarily more prone to conflict. However, Carol says, there are reasons why it could be: “In some cases, managers haven’t built that conflict ‘muscle’ that a leader needs. In other cases, they haven’t updated those skills to suit their new environment. If previously someone could nip a conflict in the bud by pulling someone aside for a quick private chat in the hallway, now they might have to call a meeting – and give the feeling of a big “‘uh-oh.’”

We sat down to confront the specific challenges leaders face in a remote-first environment, when it comes to conflict, as well as the best practices for developing an intentional culture. 

Here’s what we discussed.

Make Trust-Building Part of the Workflow

In a remote environment, you won’t have the same social ‘glue’ that holds a team together. Without break rooms and water coolers and pre-meeting chitchat, you need to find other opportunities to strengthen a team, starting from the onboarding process. 

Now that we’re past the triage stage of pandemic-induced remote work, Carol recommends teams develop protocols and standards for resolving conflict by asking questions such as, “How do we bring people in and get them to talk about how we solve conflict? How do we demonstrate teaming here? What's the culture, what are the expectations?” Part of the ongoing conversation should involve reflecting as a group – sharing insights about what makes a successful approach to conflict.

We need to carve time to start building the team cohesively and acknowledge that it's not just about doing the work. This is particularly important in industries, like the accounting world, where work can often be heads-down, independent assignments. At Summit Virtual CFO by Anders, our fully remote team likes to incorporate icebreakers into our Monday morning all-hands meetings. We also have in-person retreats that allow us to get to know one another as people and not just colleagues.

“Taking a minute to make those connections that allow us to start treating people as human beings, not just human doings – those are great opportunities to build culture,” Carol says. “There may be people who want to go get the work done. It’s important to help them focus on why we’re doing these things, so they understand how these activities contribute to the larger objective: ‘We want to get to know each other and not just relate to one another as titles.’”

When deciding on trust-building activities and policies, make sure to be inclusive and open to multiple points of view. For example, a camera-on policy might ensure people are engaged and giving one another nonverbal feedback that would otherwise be lost; on the flipside, however, there may be reasons someone prefers a camera to be off, and those reasons should be part of a team discussion.

“Maybe people are turning off their camera because they don’t feel like they are an active participant,” Carol says. “If that’s their experience, maybe the question needs to be ‘How are we structuring the meeting so that most people feel engaged?’ If there are people retreating into the background because they don’t feel included, that can lead to problems.”

Be Available

Regular one-on-ones between supervisors and employees is an important way to facilitate communication in an online work environment where those casual, in-person encounters aren’t happening. If it’s a habit to touch base, then you never have to worry about having to call a big meeting to discuss a performance issue – you know, the kind of meeting that raises your heart rate and starts everything out at a high level of tension. 

Another good reason for the one-on-ones: it gives you more data points about the person, their baseline, and their preferences. If you get a sense of who they are on an average day, you’ll be better equipped to figure out when things are seriously off. And, if you understand their communication habits in a low stake setting, you’ll know whether a serious conversation should be handled with a soft touch or a “get-to-the-point” attitude. 

It’s a two-way street: you want your team to be able to come to you with small issues before they snowball, and you want to be able to share your feedback with them before it reaches the level of conflict.

When supervisors aren’t available on a regular basis, that’s when people might resort to problematic behaviors. If it’s hard to get time with you – particularly if you're higher up in an organization where your time is an organizational asset – people are going to try to take advantage of any opportunity, and they may start criticizing or complaining in public forums.

Step Up to the Plate

Sometimes managers, directors or supervisors don’t want to get involved in issues between teammates, Carol cautions. “They think, ‘It’s not my job. I hired intelligent people. They should act like adults and figure it out on their own.’” 

However, that kind of thinking can allow conflicts to fester. “I always ask, ‘Well, if they could figure it out on their own, don't you think they would have?’” 

Sometimes a manager needs to step up, but maybe they’re afraid of conflict. They want to be liked, and so they’re not having hard conversations. Maybe their skill sets don’t work. Maybe they had the skill set that worked in the office where they could take a moment and say, ‘Hey, can I talk to you in the hallway?’ 

The truth is, no one likes having difficult conversations.

“I do this for a living,” Carol says, “Nobody ever gets so comfortable that they’re like, ‘Yeah, let’s have this difficult conversation!’ Discomfort is your nervous system saying, ‘Hey, this is important.’ Recognizing the importance of it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. It's probably an indication that you do need to do it. Don't let the fact that you’re not completely comfortable stop you from doing it, because no one's completely comfortable.” 

Another tip from Carol to handle the jitters: “People get nervous about how the other person is going to react. Recognize that if people have a reaction, you can acknowledge the emotion in the room, yours included. Say something like, ‘I want to be able to share something with you. I'm feeling a little bit uncomfortable with it and I'm really interested in what you have to say and how you feel about it.’” 

That way it's not just facts. 

“Conflict is emotion,” Carol says, “and being able to recognize the emotion is there.”

Lead by Example 

As leaders, you set the tone. Whatever values you are trying to instill in your culture, your team has to see you practice as well. For example, if you’re encouraging curiosity – one of the key attitudes, Carol recommends, for addressing conflict – exhibit it when facing a potential problem.

“Instead of complaining about someone doing bad work,” Carol suggests, “reflect: ‘Has it always been like this?’” 

I’ve seen how that shift in mindset can allow someone to walk themselves back from the brink of conflict. Instead of gearing up for a fight, curiosity can help find collaborative solutions: Maybe the other person has a need you never even considered.

Whatever values your company stands for, people want to see a leader’s comfort in addressing issues. 

“Even if you don’t think it’s your ‘job,’” Carol says, “your team wants to see that you are interested in resolving rather than avoiding conflict.” 

That’s a powerful message for supervisors. You may be focused on your professional credentials, but really, it’s how you work with the support staff and the other professionals that is crucial. 

Are you looking for additions to your finance team, but not ready to make a full-time hire? Our remote, virtual CFOs become a part of your business at a fraction of the cost of a full-time hire. Learn more about our virtual CFO services or book a free consultation with one of our CFOs below.